Tonights the night ....

Missing Mom

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of the loss of my mom.

It's been a tough year.  It doesn't get "better", you just come to terms with the fact that she's no longer there.  I still find myself reaching out to call her when I'm working late at work.  It was just something I did.

Toward the end, I was showing her the different properties we were thinking about, and I know she is pleased with our choice even though she didn't get to see it. I can just picture her doing a crossword puzzle on my back porch/florida room - I think she would have enjoyed it here.  She loved cardinals, and every time I see a cardinal in the yard, I think it's her dropping by to see the place.  I found a little cardinal bird feeder last weekend, and hubby is putting it up in the yard today - on one of the trees near the house so that I can see it when I'm on the porch.

As I look back over my life, I am honored that she was my mom.  I owe pretty much everything I have become to her.    At times, she was my confidant, my biggest fan, my moral compass, my medical advisor, my comfort, and my kick in the butt (when I needed it).  I drew strength from her strength at dealing with problems and adversity.  I lead my life today by a saying I learned from her ... "If it is to be ... it's up to me."

Today I am sad that she is no longer here in physical form, I miss her dearly, but I take solace in the knowledge that she is no longer having to fight and is now with the others that have gone before. 

I love you and miss you mom.  You are forever in my heart.